Any quick home remedies to get rid of bruises?

Last night a boy from our local church group asked to go to take my dear daughter Vicki to the movies, and I agreed (as long as she wore her helmet). Well, I wake up at 2am to find her stumbling around outside the house, drunk. So I whipped out my bible and gave her a good whack or two. Now she is unconscious, and now I am absolutely mortified. We have her sped teacher coming over tomorrow and I don't want her looking bruised and shaken up, any home remedies?